I am only going to say this once. Some people may find it hard to keep up with me. They wonder what I’m doing, where I am, where I have been, and where I am going. I will admit most of what I have done and the events and experiences that I have been through in my life might seem remarkable and quite unbelievable. It seems like I am all over the place, doing this and that, traveling here and there. Many people have asked me ” Christian, where do you find the time for all of this? How can you do what you’ve done? Why?” I make the time, I don’t make excuses, and I am not afraid. I wasn’t always this way. I used to be quite the opposite. It took me hitting rock bottom for me to realize what I needed to do to get back up. God has blessed me with certain talents and a big heart. I embrace them all.I work hard, and put everything into well, everything. Life, love, and you. Friends, family, people. If you are in my life I want to see you grow and succeed too, and I will always have your back and help you if ever you should need it. I know exactly what I want and where I am going. I know exactly what I am doing. Do not waste your time wondering how I am living my life. Live yours. Live yours abundantly. Waste not a minute of it. Because you never know… I can only live my life, and I move at my speed. But hey, if you’d like to come along I’d be more than willing and happy to share it with you. Life is an adventure to be shared, enjoyed, and celebrated! So get out there! : )
A bird flew by my head. Close. Too close. It nearly knocked me off of the ledge before I was ready. I couldnt believe i was up here. Your heart pounds as you reach the 50th floor. At floor 60 it races. When you reach floor 75 your legs don’t work. Standing on the edge of the roof your mind recalls every single memory you’ve ever had up until that moment. Every first kiss, every person you’ve met, every movie you’ve laughed or cried during, every joint you’ve smoked and every time you’ve cut yourself shaving. Everything. I broke my leg when I was little. Going down a slide. It was one of those twisty slides. People tell me I walked on it for hours before I noticed the pain. It was dawn and the sky was beautiful this morning. It was cold, I was wearing multiple layers of clothes. The wind still cut through my body like a knife. I swear I left my door unlocked. I feel like I’m going crazy! I’m ready to jump. The mad rush of memories, random thoughts that were swirling about in my mind like some sort of sick hurricane abruptly stopped. Everything stopped. My heart stopped beating, eyes stopped blinking, impulses in my brain stopped firing. I leaned over the edge and jumped. I was free. Finally. I was home. Windows raced by, the ground grew closer. Closer. The wind caught my parachute, and jerked me upward. Everything started again as soon as my converse hit the street. Shit. Now I’ve got to run. My heart pounded…
4 months. Maybe more. What does that mean? The floor was cold. My bare feet touched the ground as I scooted off of the bed. It was enough to break me from my train of thought. I had been laying for awhile, listening to the hum of the MRI machine, thinking about,nothing. 4 months I had been given. Immediately I was sorry. Sorry for what? Everything. I thought only of the things I could have and should have done. The things I would have done differently, and the things I wouldn’t have done at all. The doctor’s voice rang in the background. I had no idea what he was talking about. I didn’t care. I needed Her here, but I couldn’t tell her. How could I tell anyone? My family, friends? I was alone, the world had enough problems of its own, and didn’t need me adding to them, when I had spent my life trying to fix them. It’s funny really. Quite ironic. You can spend your whole life convinced you’re immortal, invincible, and suddenly life reminds you that you’re not. Can I do this on my own? I have to do it on my own. I’m “Captain America”. I needed her. She wasn’t there. I climbed into my car and turned it over. I wasn’t ready, there was still so much to do, so much to see, so much love to give. I drove away, empty. Nothing in my head except: the floor was cold…
…and the tumor.
I am a writer, a dreamer, a lover, a creator. It’s all in the details, the little things. The hidden often overlooked yet simply spectacular moments, objects, feelings in life that I see. I notice. I stop, and take a look around. I capture them, write about them, I share them with you. Things that you would otherwise pass by without notice. Without care. I too was like you once. I had a plan. I took it, folded it up nicely and stuffed it into my back pocket never bothering to stop to check it, reorganize it, never stopped to make sure it was right. Cancer. 4 months. I was forced to rewrite the plan. I had no plan. Not anymore. My world, the road I was traveling down ever so swift was torn to pieces, shattered. She broke my heart. No. Destroyed it. For some time I ran away, forgot it all. Accepted the terms of my new fate. I couldn’t stay away for long, see I cared about you too much. The world. Humanity. I’ve got a new plan, no rules, no set path, nothing holding me back. To inspire, help and guide everyone everywhere I can. I don’t want to change the world. I want to inspire it to change. This is how, through music, photographs,writing, film, medicine, the flag I wear on my right arm, and more importantly example. The time I have left is not for me, it’s for you…
Ps: I miss you…
I opened the sunroof, and instantly the wind played with her hair. Whipped it back and forth. She brushed it out of her face as she peered up into the night. The moon was hidden allowing the stars their chance to peer down at us. Beautiful. The low pitched growl of an exhaust pipe rang in my ears. I glanced in my rear view mirror. The piercing lights grew closer and soon were right beside me. I withdrew my hand from hers and downshifted. “Hold on” I said. We took off screaming in the night like banshees. She grabbed the seat, eyes wide, shining in the night. A glimmer of fear shone through, but was replaced by a squeal of excitement and an ear to ear smile bright enough to replace the moon. Beautiful. The lines in the road whipped by so fast they formed a solid block. Faster. Faster. Our exit came, and I slowed. We won. She let her breath go, filled with adrenaline she grabbed my hand and held it tight. ” Let’s do it again!” she exclaimed. So off into the night we rode, in search of that rush, hand in hand…
I’ve felt like this before. The same electrical feeling. That rush of blood to the head. It all felt the same but different. I watched Her from across the room. She was browsing the same section over and over as if miraculously the thing she’d been looking for would magically appear. She dragged me into this store. I didn’t care, I loved watching her. The way she moved, her hair falling over her face and her perfect hands lightly brushing it away. Her skin was milky smooth with hardly an imperfection even though she swore, it was riddled with pimples. She was absolutely beautiful. She caught me staring, no she caught me admiring, gazing. I flashed my quirky smile and she signaled with a wink of her eye and a nod that it was time to move on to the next spot. She grabbed my hand, and held it tightly as we made our way out of the bustling store. My heart fluttered. It had been a long time but she still did that to me. I’d never tell her, even though I had a feeling she already knew.
